My reply to a blogger in the UK who kept a blog before they were called blogs. His name is P. Check his site out at http://www.thatp.com
He's writing about a friend of his who was gay but came out as straight recently.
Hey P
Long time no chat. But what you've experienced and what we've been seeing in a friend of ours has sort of parallels.
I agree with your last paragraph and you're absolutely spot on there. But I think the reason that most people find it hard to believe is because you always put what you hear into the context of your own experiences.
And as far as I know, while it's becoming easier to come out, it still is, for most people, a long, hard road. So from that point of view, the question becomes, if it was so hard to do in the first place, and you are now socially "unacceptable" would it be easier for you just to go back into the closet?
Having said that, I am just playing devil's advocate. I've come to believe that for those who are more enlightened, being gay or straight is really more a requirement of our society to categorise.
If we look at it as just 2 souls falling in love/like with each other, what does it really matter what sex they are. Just that most men couldn't stomach the idea of having sex with other men because of social conditioning.
More power to your friend, the formerly gay man! ;-) I hope he finds true happiness.
Love and happy Chinese New Year
Nigel
From Malaysia
I absolutely DETEST the phrase "Straight acting."
What one earth is that supposed to mean? And do gay men actually stop to think about it?
I suppose it stems from a desire to encapsulate a behavioural pattern and associate oneself with a particular group of individuals who, because they don't LOOK gay, are perceived to be NOT gay!
What an absolute load of kaka!
I've known straight men who are comfortable with themselves who behave "softly" and gay men (and this is a huge turn off no matter what the personals say) who will associate themselves behaviourally with a bunch of red necks chawing baccy! And frankly, I couldn't give a damn!
Ooo, shades of Rhett Butler.
I've seen personals list that as an "attribute." I've seen it being referred to in reference to gay men in a supposedly academic paper (where it's more excusable because it referred to how gay men saw themselves) and I've heard some gay men talk about it proudly. Gag!
I wonder why people just aren't happy being themselves. If it gives you comfort to flap your arms and wrists, do so! If it gives you comfort to readjust yourself in public ( you know where) then do so. If you want to go bake a cake then do so. Who the bloody hell cares? I don't. I certainly don't have the time to entertain particular notions of a person being who they're SUPPOSED to be.
Be yourself!
I admit I'm a work in progress and one of Allan's cousin's called me "contradictory." I think he meant that sometimes what I thought and what I did were not always consistent. Well, there we have it. I'm contradictory and proud of it!
"Straight acting."
You spend all this time getting you head wrapped around the fact that you're gay, and then the minute you accept that, you spend all this time trying to convince people you're not! AND, here's the clincher, they're actually proud and relieved they're not, like, OMUHGOD, "faggy."
Good God! It just begs the question, if you're SO hung up on being straight why even BOTHER coming out in the first place. Go do what all closet homos do and get married!
Then call yourself "Straight Acting." I'm off to bake a cake!
I love flirting! ;-)
I think part of the thrill of being with Allan is that he and I flirt very well together. Obviously, we usually only indulge when we're on our own. Don't want people gagging with too much pda!
I flirt with friends, girls, hmmm, sounds like I flirt with anything that moves! Wonder if that's why the fish stop swimming when I come into the room! ;-)
It's been a bit of an up and down week. Was hit with some unknown bug at the beginning of the week and was down for the count till Wednesday.
Some of my friends must think me awfully presumptious.
Sometimes when I say things I couch it in language which makes people think that I know what's best for them. I don't mean to sound like I'm TELLING someone to do something.
I do however, need to find ways to present things that make it more palatable for people to accept. Else my intentions are not communicated. Which defeats the entire purpose of saying something in the first place.
I must admit that I do care about that. But not in a way people might think.
I've learnt to be very direct with my feelings, and one thing I've promised myself is to say what's on my mind and in my heart and not hold back. I try and couch it in as diplomatic a tone as possible but I've learnt that sometimes you just need to say what you need to say.
I am determined not to have people who are important to me pass from my life with the regret that I did not tell a person "I love you" just because I was embarassed to do so.
Or to have someone misunderstand my intentions toward them.